it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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