Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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