Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
