i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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