You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
