My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
