he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
