I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
