this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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