But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Randomize
