The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Rumble strips road head = magical
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
