i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
