I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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