im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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