Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
