I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
