She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
