Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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