You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
