I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
