idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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