I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
