did you get engaged???
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
