I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
