the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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