Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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