I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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