I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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