A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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