Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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