They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
