guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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