Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
