I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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