Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
