I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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