I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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