i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
