can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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