I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
