im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
