I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
