is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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