So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
