i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
