I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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