she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
