my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
