Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
