question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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