I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
